This Saints Row review contains minor spoilers.
It’s safe to say expectations were not high when the rebooted Saints Row was announced last year. The trailer featuring over-the-top action and zany Gen-Z’ers did little other than draw ridicule from the gaming community.
Suffice to say, those negative first impressions were right on the money. Saints Row is an objectively below average game in almost every way.
I was cautiously optimistic. After nine long years since the release of GTA V, there was a chance Saints Row could fill the gap and move the genre forward in a meaningful and exciting way. Unfortunately, that didn’t happen. From that perspective, it cannot be understated how much of a missed opportunity the 2022 Saints Row reboot is.
Saints Row is a game that would feel at home on the Xbox 360. Grand Theft Auto IV came out in 2008 – yet Saints Row is somehow less technologically impressive. Even from a cultural standpoint, this 2022 game feels like it’s on a different planet compared to GTA IV.
With a complete absence of new ideas, cringe-worthy writing and characters, and a litany of game-breaking bugs – Saints Row is the most skippable game of 2022. Outside of a few moments of chaotic fun, it has nothing to offer.
Saints Row Review: Story and Characters
Saints Row follows a ragtag group of young people in the city of Santo Ileso who turn to crime to pay their rent and student debt… That’s it – that’s the story. There isn’t anything else to it.
Don’t be mistaken, this is no Walter White-esq descent into villainy. These people don’t go on a personal journey – they’ve no character arc to speak of. Saints Row‘s anti-heroes have always juggled their art history majors with being ‘murder machines’.
Ultimately, that dichotomy is the crux of the problem with Saints Row‘s main characters. They’re all incredibly nice people who binge watch telenovelas, play boardgames, drink ‘mugmosas’, and argue about waffle makers whilst wilfully murdering hundreds of people without a shred of regret.
Brunch is a time for friends and mimosas, not debates on morality.
Kev
Disappointingly, there was an opportunity here to tell a story about the cost of living in modern America and the lengths people could be driven to to keep the lights on. Instead, this bunch are already neck deep in crime and violence when we first meet them. They just do it because they enjoy it and don’t want to be ‘wage slaves’ to pay their debts.
Even with such a flawed premise, it would still be possible to make the characters likeable. Instead, cringe-inducing dialogue and pitiful attempts at humour makes them some of the most hate-able in gaming history.
The game attempts to inject some backstory into each of its protagonists but it’s heavy-handed, unoriginal, and wholly contradictory to their selfish lives as criminals.
For example, there’s a side mission where you accompany Kev to a fast-food joint for a limited edition Happy Meal toy. He tells us he couldn’t get one when he was younger because he was in foster care. At the restaurant, a rival gang is waiting. So, naturally, Kev and your character decide the only option is to murder them all to get this toy. It’s fine, though, because Kev promises to deliver hundreds of the toys to orphanages across the city. Karma has been rebalanced, I guess…
Saints Row Review: Gameplay
Saints Row‘s gameplay is as one-note as its story.
Like previous games in the series, this entry is set in an open-world city where you’re free to commit crime, battle with police, and drive a range of vehicles.
The initial mayhem is fun with the ability to cause chaos and destruction everywhere you go. But the world of Santo Ileso is no Los Santos. There simply isn’t the variety needed to keep things interesting after a few hours. Even police chases lack the dynamism of their GTA equivalent – you can outrun them by simply driving in a straight line.
The world looking and feeling empty doesn’t help matters, either. There’s no ‘life’ to NPCs, and no random events or encounters. Buildings are almost entirely inaccessible. Santo Ileso is mind-numbingly generic with all the staple areas and buildings players have come to expect in open world video games.
Mission variety is key to any game. But in Saints Row, each mission type is ultimately the same. Go somewhere, kill some rival gang members (there are seemingly thousands), and crack cringey jokes along the way. The gameplay loop gets boring really quickly.
Even sections which seem destined to break the mould eventually devolve into more of the same. A stealth sequence in a prison, for example, consists of simply walking past guards for a few minutes before a huge gunfight ensues. Why even bother with the ‘stealth’ at all.
All this would be forgivable if the combat and shooting was punchy, precise, and impactful. But it isn’t. Enemies are bullet-sponge dummies, firearms play like paintball guns, and melee combat is a complete afterthought. Even the game’s special skills and finishers, which break up the tedious and inaccurate gunplay, lack variety.
Graphics, Sound, and Performance
Bugs
Saints Row is full of bugs and glitches. And some of them are game-breaking.
Probably the most annoying bug was one that prevented the game from booting. Something about accepting permissions in the Epic launcher. The only solution was to keep trying and restarting the PC until it finally launched.
Once in the game, it occasionally became unresponsive after cutscenes and characters would inexplicably T-pose or rag-doll.
Sometimes, when I went to enter a car, my character would instead sit on the road and perform all the steering and driving animations there. The camera would still follow the car as I drove it away but would zip back to my character when pressing the button to exit the vehicle.
Saints Row needed at least another six months in development and significantly more bug testing. It simply wasn’t ready for full release.
Graphics and Sound
Graphically, Saints Row is dated. Thankfully, performance is consistent – but it should be with such low graphical fidelity.
Lighting effects and sandstorms are notable visual highlights. However, characters look like lifeless plastic and environmental detail is obnoxiously low.
Even playing on ultra graphics settings at 1440p, the game’s visuals are underwhelming. Anyone expecting a current-gen experience should moderate their expectations. Saints Row looks like an early last-gen title at best.
If Saints Row was more fun to play, all this could be forgiven. Instead, its lacklustre visuals only add to a long list of issues.
Sound design is similarly poor. Audio clips pop in and out at random, cars are mind-numbingly quiet, and the voice acting is probably the worst of any AAA game in recent years.
In-game radio stations offer some musical variety. But key story beats and gameplay sequences often lack a soundtrack which renders them totally flat.
Saints Row Review: Verdict
Saints Row had a real opportunity to fill the huge void between GTA V and its long-awaited sequel. With a well-written story, relatable characters, a few new ideas for the genre, and a fun multiplayer mode, it could’ve been popular. After all, even the most ardent of GTA V fans must be getting tired of it by now. But Saints Row does none of those things. In fact, it does precisely the opposite.
Outside of a few initial hours of chaotic fun, the impressively deep character customisation, and the ridiculous insurance fraud mini-game, there really is nothing to like about Saints Row. It quickly becomes a chore to play thanks to its one dimensional missions and painfully annoying protagonists. And when a game becomes a chore, it has failed at its primary job.
Saints Row is one of those hilariously bad games you have to experience for yourself. But it’s not ‘awful’ – just excruciatingly generic and downright dull.
Overall Rating: 4/10
Reviewed on: PC
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