This review of The Nun is part of our Halloween series of horror movie reviews.
This review contains minor spoilers…
I’m not sure what demon possessed Corin Hardy to make his 2018 horror film, The Nun. Perhaps it’s the same one responsible for such classics as Brahms: The Boy II and Slender Man?
With both the original Conjuring and its 2016 sequel being commercial and critical hits, a franchised cinematic universe was born – as is tradition. The Nun, a spin-off of the second movie, isn’t the first spin-off in the Conjuring franchise. If 2014’s Annabelle was a test run in poor quality, clichéd franchise horror then The Nun is a full-blown investment in it.
Presented as the origin story of the titular nun (the demon Valak, for those keeping track), this movie relies on one thing – that you actually find nuns scary. And let’s face it, Whoopi Goldberg didn’t do for nuns what Tim Curry did for clowns. If, like me, little old ladies in hoods and cloaks who like a bit of a prayer don’t scare you, this isn’t likely to change that – even if it does wheel out every horror motif under the sun while trying.
Per The Conjuring 2, we last saw our spooky Nun in 1977 haunting a 3-bed semi in Enfield, London. Had she kept quiet and not indulged her demonic impulses, one must believe she’d have been sitting on a nice little nest-egg come 2020. Alas, she didn’t and was promptly sent back to hell by Ed & Lorraine Warren (Patrick Wilson & Vera Farmiga), our famed paranormal investigators. How the nun came to have such a poor mind for real estate is just one of many questions I hoped would be answered in this prequel. Alas, it was not… And neither was anything else.
So, it’s 1952 Romania. A couple of nuns get attacked by an initially unseen force when trying to retrieve a Christian relic from underneath their monastery. Ultimately, one nun is killed and the other, Sister Victoria (Charlotte Hope), is chased by the demon until she hastily hangs herself to escape it. Some-time later, Frenchie (Jonas Bloquet), a French-Canadian come local Romanian villager (because why not), discovers her disfigured body when delivering supplies. In an eye roll inducing sequence, just as he finds the corpse, the rope conveniently snaps, and we’re shown “THE NUN” in big letters. Soon after, at Vatican City (handily labelled as such since everyone there looks, speaks and sounds English) Father Burke (Demián Bichir) is commissioned to investigate the incident and, for reasons unclear, is told to take novitiate nun Sister Irene (Taissa Farmiga – thanks nepotism), with him. And so, our blessed duo head off to Romania to investigate.
This would have been a decent suspense building introduction if we hadn’t had been shown a full-sized detailed portrait of the demonic nun in the opening scene. As a result, it’s obvious to the audience what and who is haunting the monastery, pretty much eliminating all mystery and suspense for the duration of the movie. What doesn’t help is the overindulgence in horror clichés. It’s as if the director knew the concept was thin and so decided to pile on whatever he could to build atmosphere. Here’s just a few I wrote down: upside down crosses, foggy graveyards, worn crucifix headstones, zombies, a spooky castle, and constant reminders that “that place is cursed”. It’s so frustrating that the genre still so often relies on this boring, formulaic approach – it simply doesn’t cut it anymore!
Not only does this film rely on horror tropes that have been done to death, it’s also dependent on lazy jump scares throughout. Now, I love the odd jump scare, there’s nothing wrong with having a few. But in the total absence of tension or dread, they’re just empty. Spinning the camera around a character as something appears behind them isn’t scary – it’s cheap.
On top of that, the CGI used to deliver these jump scares is particularly bad. Be it the Nun herself, dead hands bursting through walls (another cliché that is used repeatedly), breaking glass, or anything else, all the CGI elements work against the film. This is where a leaf should’ve been taken out of the book of classic horror – traditional effects and a strong atmosphere of terror carries so much more weight. If you can’t make the graphics look realistic, don’t use them – simple.
What’s even more disappointing is the lame backstory provided for the Nun. The Duke who built the monastery opened a literal portal to hell that was sealed by the convent of nuns, who kept it shut through perpetual prayer, only for it to be reopened by bombs in World War 2. How the monastery wasn’t damaged by said bombs remains a mystery. But luckily this whole backstory is recounted in a single flashback usefully provided in one scene – because why would we like to figure anything out for ourselves?
Unfortunately, laziness is the recurring theme with The Nun. Can’t be bothered to create an atmosphere? Insert a trope. Not sure how to do something genuinely terrifying? Use a jump scare. Unsure how to give your shitty movie any narrative depth? Tell the whole backstory in a single flashback. Even the characters feel like templates from a screenwriting textbook – weathered male protagonist with a tragic backstory, naïve and inquisitive sidekick, charming but dim-witted joker turned unwitting hero. It’s the horror film you’ve seen a thousand times.
The Nun herself is the only interesting thing this film has to offer and she isn’t even scary. Devoid of a compelling premise and plot, packed with one-note characters and clichés, and severely lacking in any scares, you’re left with a film that’s more Treehouse of Horror than horror. But I suppose comparing The Nun to those Halloween specials would be doing The Simpsons a colossal disservice.
Overall rating: 2/10
–
Featured image credit: Warner Bros. / New Line Cinema
